We celebrate Thanksgiving because it's the day the Pilgrims destroyed the Dinosaurs, right?
I for one am super thankful they got rid of the dinosaurs,
because can you imagine what Earth would be like with those big, ole smelly things running around?!
Not to mention, we wouldn't have gas without their dead bodies decomposing into fossil fuel and all.
I think the government has tried to keep it a big cover-up
because the Pilgrims killed the dinosaurs
with mega-awesome, super-futuristic technology that they hid in cornucopias,
because the Pilgrims were really aliens sent to Earth rid the planet of dinos and Indians.
Oh, and the Indians?
The Alien Pilgrims ate them.
And did you know that we figured out Santa was an Alien also?!