Down, drained, lost, depressed.
I had to work on a Saturday, which took a good chunk of my day...and time away from my kids.
And let's face it, I'm still not used to spending so little time with them.
I've been a stay-at-home mom most of their life, although I've worked from home and/or been in classes part time at the University of Texas at different times. But, I've always been available for them.
And now that's changed. The change has mostly been for the good. I'm enjoying working in the business world. The boys are gaining more independence. But, a part of me grieves. It just does.
And this summer scares me.
Last summer we went swimming almost every single day.
We went on field trips to corn fields and roller skating.
We had fun...together.
This summer I have to work.
We do have an amazing trip to Disney World planned, but other than that, I have to work.
And I Don't know what to do with them.
I guess summer camps.
but it makes me sad.
So, this has all hit me this weekend.
Along with feeling drained.
And my marriage is a mess.
A big complicated, messed-up mess.
So, when I got home from work yesterday, the boys wanted to go play outside in our neighborhood park. I reluctantly agreed to go with them, grabbing a book and my camera.
And something amazing happened.
I started out feeling grouchy.
sitting in the grass, watching them play.
And then slowly, I began to appreciate the greeness around me. Texas is GORGEOUS this time of year. Everything's blooming.
And then I felt the urge to take pictures.
Of the green trees.
Of the flowers.
Of my two boys playing together.
And by the time we went inside an hour or two later...I felt re-charged.
And I remembered.
Being in nature,
being with my children in nature,
being with my children in nature and taking pictures...
that makes me happy.