Monday, November 24, 2008

Pink Light Sabers are used to fight Shame.

After much deliberation and conferring with my inner advisers, I've come to the conclusion that
I'm weird.

You don't believe me?
You need convincing?
I see mythological beasts who discuss politics.

I dream of God Frogs raining down.

I have conversations with my She-Ra brain.

I also have this jacket that fits like second skin.
It's silver with shame sewn into the seams.
I wear it most of the time, often without even realizing it.

I'm not sure where it came from.
I didn't buy it.
I don't like it.
It's not my preference but it seems to be a habit.
A well-worn comfort.

So, this leads me to my story.
I was cleaning the toilet in my bathroom...
something that I detest doing.
I gag and try not to breathe as I clean away layers of boy pee.
Crouched in front of the toilet, my cloak is back on.
I realize I should clean the bathroom more regularly.
And I'm ashamed that I don't.

Then there is a bright green flash, and I look up at the Star Wars poster currently decorating the bathroom wall thanks to my son,




just in time to see Obi-Wan Kenobi step out of the picture into my bathroom and turn from cartoon to real life Ewan McGregor Obi-Wan.

(I'll let you in on a secret. I totally have a crush on Obi-Wan. His accent, his chivalry, his awesome Jedi training, his handsomeness.)




He sweeps into a deep bow, and I catch sight of his light saber hanging at his waist.

Obi-Wan: Dear Rhea, why do you wear that jacket of shame?
Me: Shoot, I didn't realize I had it on. Umm...you just totally came out of that poster...
Obi-Wan: Yes, I am a Jedi Master, and I am here to teach you how to use The Force to overcome your shame.
Me: I don't have The Force.
Obi-Wan: Yes, you do.
Me: No, I don't.
Obi-Wan: Yes, you do.
Me: Don't.
Obi-Wan: Do too.
Me: You're so hot.
Obi-Wan: What?
Me: Oops, did I say that out loud? I mean, ok, let's say I have The Force. Does this mean I get a cool light saber?

Obi-Wan sits down on the closed toilet lid. I'm really glad I just cleaned it.





Obi-Wan: You are being attacked by guilt and shame. These feelings lead to the dark side of the force. You need a weapon to defend yourself against these foes.

He hands me a bright pink light saber.

Me: Wow, my kids are going to think this is so cool.
Obi-Wan: They can't see it. No one can. Only you, and you can only use it to fight your sense of unworthiness and inadequacy.
Me: Umm...how? I mean, I can't see my unworthiness. How am I supposed to fight it. And, I'm always feeling guilty. I feel like I can't do anything well or get anything right...
Obi-Wan: Well, guilt is actually a useful emotion. It let's us know what's unacceptable and offers us the opportunity to do something about it. But, shame, it's incapacitating. Focus on what you can do to change the feeling around, to let go of the shame. Try to figure out where these feelings came from, so you can release them.
Me: Wow, you're so wise, ObiWan. Thank you. Do you have a psychology degree or something?
Obi-Wan: I must go now. May The Force be with you.
Me: Umm...you don't watch us from that poster do you?

He just smiled, winked, and jumped back into the poster.

I think I'm going to have to start using the other bathroom now...


39 comments:

only a movie said...

Rhea - this is so cool! What a great concept. We all feel this way sometimes. What an entertaining way to open up the conversation.

Jill said...

Rhea we all hate the toilet cleaning job! If it was up to me I would pay someone to come in and clean it and I have girls!! You are a trip!!!!!! No shame my dear! No shame! LOL!

Brit' Gal Sarah said...

LOL I think you have one to many AHA videos my friend.

I don't think anyone likes cleaning the loo.

Lynette said...

Rhea do not mix the bleach with ammonia cleaning products. It creates a chemical fog. I think you have been breathing that in. Go outside and get deep cleansing breaths of air. (and send me the pink saber okay! wink wink).

for a different kind of girl said...

ObiWan is truly wise. I'd do well to remember his lesson, too. If you speak to him again soon, please ask him if he has any purple lightsabers.

Also? Ask if it's possible to use the force to get boys to actually pee IN the toilet.

:)

Kat said...

Oh my. You are uber brilliant. Creative. And obviously chemically addled. And you let the boys put up a poster in your bathroom?? I definitely think that you need your own bathroom. One that says "No boys allowed." And the boys are old enough to clean their own bathroom. Maybe Obi Wan will lend them a hand...

brown eyed girl said...

I'm starting to believe that bathroom cleaning is made worse by the presence of boys.

But at the same time, girls have a lot of hair in their bathrooms.

I never realized the idea of bathroom cleaning could become a debate! You can moderate with your pink light saber! :)

TattooedMinivanMom said...

Boy pee layers are gross. Mini D actually sprayed my foot with pee the other day when he was going while I ran the bath water. Seriously? You're so distracted while peeing you can't keep it in the toilet? I think it's the hands free thing.

That was the moral of the story right? Aiming better?

scargosun said...

That is the suckiest job when there are men in the house. Seriously. I love the idea of your light saber though. I need me one in purple.

Mama Dawg said...

This is GREAT! What a way to spread your writing wings!

Mama Dawg said...

Oh, and Ewan is totally hot. I LOVED him in Moulin Rouge.

david mcmahon said...

Great work, O Princess Of The Pink Light Sabre!

The Arthur Clan said...

Cleaning bathrooms...the only job worse than cooking (at least in my book.) Blech!

goodfather said...

So cool. Obi-Wan never gave me a pink lightsaber. Or any lightsaber. I am green with envy. :D

Jennifer and Sandi said...

I'd fire the maid if she forgot to clean the toilet and made you do it. Unexceptable!!!


HAPPY MONDAY

- Jennifer

SKELLER said...

made me smile....

who needs therapy when you have Obi-Wan in your bathroom dispensing words of wisdom???

Ronnica said...

Oh, Obi Wan! Totally with you there.

Maggie, Dammit said...

OK, I got distracted because the description of the jacket was so very awesome. So very, very awesome.

Ritch in Love said...

ROFL! Ok, next time he makes an appearnce at your house please slip my address in the pocket of his cloak. Hmm...do you think his cloak has pockets?

Shannon said...

Well, I don't know about Obi-Wan...

but Ewan McGregor can give me his light-saber any day.


Yeah, that's right... I said it. Out loud.

Jen said...

I want Obi-Wan to come to my bathroom. Maybe he would if I actually cleaned in there.

TerriRainer said...

Um, I went from picturing my own "boy toilet" that I loathe cleaning, to inserting Liam Neison where you had Ewan...

Then I remembered that I was REALLY mad about the BCS poll and Texas right now, so it scared me that I could SO relate to a Texan this week!

:) Terri

Lisa@verybusymomwith4 said...

This is my first time here and I have got to say you are very funny :)

Susie said...

Your brain is a fun place to visit but I would be scared to live there:-) Hee, hee, hee.

steenky bee said...

Ah yes, we are dealing with poor aim at our house too. If you don't get to it immediately, the smell is horrifying. I got a little hot and bothered looking at Ben or whatever his name is. I bet he has good aim. (I, in no way, meant for that to be dirty)

Christy said...

So, is the light saber going to clean the bathroom now? It'd be great if it had bathroom cleaning powers!

Erin said...

thanks for the comments...cant help but ask-how did you find me?
erin

jennifer said...

love LoVe LOVE the way your mind works. Abso freakin lutley love this post.

Because I have a shame cloak too AND I love Star Wars (I want the young Darth Vader please).

The Force is definitely with you.

muskrat said...

Kick ass! I wrote about the Star Wars poster in my bathroom today, too! Glad I saw the twitter traffic referring to yours.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Obi-Wan gave you his pink light saber? Phallic ... maybe just a little bit???
Just sayin'!!! :)

the mama bird diaries said...

This never happens to me when I'm cleaning the toilet. Damn.

Jennifer P. said...

I have just found my inspiration to go clean the boy bathroom. 4 boys. Bad aims. Not fun. But jedis and pink light sabers....that might do it for me :).

Hilary said...

Very cool. May the force be with you/ metaphors bewitch you. ;)

Here from David's.

sassy stephanie said...

Great post Rhea.

I so need to teach my kids how to clean the toilet. I can't stand it either. I'd even pay them, but I will hold out on that little tid bit of info.

Moannie said...

Will the Pink light Sabre work on the toilet bowl? I would think one zap s all it would need. You are one funny lady. Worthy of David's POTD

Captain Dumbass said...

Supreme Leader would be a Jedi if she could get a pink light saber. I remember reading an interview with Ewan McGregor a long ways back. He was talking about when they brought him a box with a few light sabres in it for him to chose from. I think he peed a little.

StarbuckBitch said...

I am also ashamed of my toilet, and my kitchen floor...I'm going to put up a Star Wars poster and hope for a big purple one...

Mrs. Jacqueline said...

I wanna lightsaber! It would make shopping at WalMart a helluva lot more interesting...

Thank you for sharing your clorox-induced hallucinations. Excuse me while I go sniff my bleach jug.

Shonda Little said...

You are now my hero because you 1) get to talk to Obi and 2) have the best freakin' blog layout ever. I'm so jealous of it I don't know what to do.