I've been composing this letter in my head for a while now. It breaks my heart to write it, and while it probably isn't wise to share such personal, raw feelings online, it's cathartic for me.
We've been best friends for most of my life. It's hard to remember a time when I didn't turn to you for advice or support. You were there for me during my parents' divorce. You were there for me when I discovered I was pregnant at 19.
We've had ups and downs in our friendship, but looking back, I realize that perhaps you've been holding out on me. You've never truly encouraged me to be me. I think I've always put myself aside for you. Our relationship has not been healthy.
I'm not sure you've ever taken the time to truly appreciate me, and that makes me feel unimportant. I feel like I've had to work to get your attention most of the time. That doesn't seem fair.
You never make time for me. Friends are supposed to spend time together, share and confide in each other, be there for each other. I feel you've often gotten caught up in your own world...and left me behind. Now you reach out to me some...and I'm not waiting in the sidelines anymore. I'm not interested in your story. I can't keep investing feelings in someone who doesn't take care of them or treat them well...I can't help you keep afloat your sinking ship.
When we became best friends, I entrusted you with my heart, and I don't feel like you took care of it or treasured it like it should have been. How it deserved to have been treated.
A year ago, when I fulfilled part of my lifelong dream to have a story published, you didn't read it. A year later, you still hadn't read it. That crushed my spirit, my pride, my sense of accomplishment.
This blog has become a window to my soul, a creative outlet of huge emotional importance...and do you read it? Do you give me feedback? Do you ever comment? NO.
I don't think we suit each other anymore. And the fault for this lies with both of us. I'm not there for you...and you aren't here for me. We don't support and encourage each other, it's not a healthy friendship. I feel angry with you. I feel like you're not nice. I feel like you don't really care. Oh, your words say one thing...but I'm not so sure your actions say the same.
Right now I have no hope for our friendship...although it isn't completely over.
Our history is too long for an abrupt, painless end.