Friday, October 17, 2008

Nursery Rhyme Gone Bad


I think this will be the post where I lose all my readers.

Do not read any further if you have a squeamish stomach and/or are currently eating...
or plan to eat ever again.

You've been warned.

I know someone's dirty little secret...and I'm gonna share it.
Whether you like it or not.

Who's secret?

Could be a family member, or a friend...
or quite frankly, a friend of a friend...
You'll never know for sure.
It could be ME for all you know.
(it's not)


I know someone, let's call him or her The Butcher.
Oh, why this nickname, you ask?
I'll tell you why.
Come closer so I can whisper...

Because
this person
after
having
a bowel
movement
then
proceeds
to
cut
up
their
poop
in the
toilet
bowl
with
a
knife


Don't ask me how I know this.
Only know that I wish I didn't KNOW this.

Rub a dub dub, Three men in a tub, And who do you think they be? The butcher, the baker, The candlestick maker. Turn them out, knaves all three!

Are we still friends?
Do you know any dirty little secrets?


40 comments:

Suzann @ Lavender and Roses said...

Definitely an "odd" thing to read first in the morning, but given my warped sense of humor - I almost spit my coffee out all over my laptop. (thankfully I was able to restrain myself)
Of course, my sons would LOVE this.
Actually, I have dirty little secrets, but I'm not sharing.

Justine said...

Well, that certainly woke me up! No need for a second cup of coffee here! Slicing of the poop. Very interesting. Would LOVE to know who this is.

Hmmm... dirty little secrets. Do I know any? Well, it was mine, and I already blogged about it. I used to poop in my back yard when I was little. Another poop story! We're on a roll here!

Justine :o )

Jen said...

I have seen and known about some disgusting things in my life mostly b/c of my career choice but that right there, takes the cake. Good Lord that is gross.

Yes, we are still friends.

KimmyJ said...

What the freak? Ewww! Dirty little morsel in more ways than one!

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

OOOOOOO the secrets I have.... there's not enough windex in the world to clean up my dirty secrets.

And that poop story... well... from now on where ever I go I'm bringing my own utensils.

Nik said...

ROFL - of course we're still friends....

My first thought was...."Who ate/swallowed something they shouldn't and you need to retrieve it??" and second was..."What was it?" LOL

I guess the best question yet.... "Did you FIND it?"

Sidney said...

Ewww. Still friends.

I know someone who would dine on the contents of his nose....and he was definitely old enough to know better...then lie when confronted about it....

gross

Amy said...

I've heard worse. If that is possible. Yuck!

Kat said...

OMG...Lizzie's comment. Please tell me that this person only uses that one knife. And doesn't put it in your dishwasher. Or get a different one. Please tell me that. Please.

My mom's cousin (I will not claim that family) - her husband is "handy." And he made their septic tank. Yep. Made it. From an orange barrel he "found" by the side of the road. He thing punch holes in it to let the liquid escape. They never flushed their own toilet paper. Is that disgusting or what??

Katie said...

I was a nurse and now a mom of 3, it's pretty hard to gross me out. What are they looking for? Corn?
PS- we were seriously just saying that nursery rhyme an hour ago. Never again will I look at it in the same way.

scargosun said...

Please tell me there is at least a 'specual' knife for this or plastic ones.

goodfather said...

Rhea, I thought you agreed that I was telling you that in confidence. In confidence.

::cry::

Angie's Spot said...

Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, EWWWWWWWW. That's all I got. And I'll be back. Perhaps because I'm a glutton for punishment.

Cristin said...

That is the most wrong thing ever. I can handle it though... Are you still friends with this person? Do they know that YOU know??

Jenni said...

Um, I really didn't need to know that. Ew. . .Eww. Why? Nevermind--I don't want to know. Any secrets I might have had are now obliterated with that one.

Jenni said...

. . .and really, how could you follow that last post with this one?!? Are you working on some kind of negative connotation thing? That's just not nice!

Sandra said...

I really like your blog so I gave you an award!

carrielt said...

Interesting! Never heard of that before.

Kat said...

Okay...I am laughing hysterically. Because of Sandra. Who likes your blog and wants to give you an award. hehehehe

*snort*

Okay...I am trying to calm down. If I had an award to give, I would have waited for another post ;-)

gingela5 said...

Wow, you said you wouldn't tell! haha--Kidding! I do have dirty little secrets but I can't tell! And that is a very interesting secret to tell. eeks

Lula! said...

It's totally Annie. We know she's a beautiful genius, so it doesn't surprise me that she's potty-trained, or has the dexterity required to perform this task.

I love that dog.

steenky bee said...

Oh, I've totally heard of this before. Wait a minute, NO I HAVEN'T. WHAT? WHAT! I have so many questions. Does she have a special knife in the bathroom for this? Where does she wash it? What does she do in public rest rooms? how did this ever get out? Please, please, I beg you. DO NOT ANSWER ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Heck I'm fresh out of secrets. CRAP!

- Jennifer

Live.Love.Eat said...

OMG. I know some secrets but can't top that. You did remind me of a guy I dated. We called him The Butcher but for a totally different reason. We were younger and not sexual but he was getting a little ahead of himself while we were kissing when he busted out with "Gosh, I want to pound you." I didn't call him after that. Talk about making a girl REALLY feel like a piece of meat. Ha ha.

Insane Mama said...

I'm going to tell you a secret, and it's disgusting. When me son was born, something was wrong with his intestines which resulted in VERY large bowels movements. I was forced to cut them in half in order to flush them. No kidding! He is better now

Eudea-Mamia said...

OK, that's just disturbing. But kind of in a good way - there's nothing in my medicine cabinet that would top that.

Wow. And double ewwwww.

Em

Susie said...

Ahhhhhh!! You fry my brain. I don't really know any dirty little secrets...about other people:-)

Valarie said...

Blech!!!! Gag me with a spoon!

That is just disgusting :(

Ew Ew Ew

sassy stephanie said...

Two thoughts whirling around in my head:

1. why?
2. fuckindisGUSTingnasty why?

only a movie said...

Wow. That's a special kind of crazy.

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Too. Much. Information. Thankyouverymuch.

mommaof4wife2r said...

back up ur tracks...r u serious? gross gross gross.

secrets? not so much...i have to think about it.

Kally said...

Gross! Don't know why someone would do that and I hope whoever does keeps the "knife" separate from the knives you eat with. Blech! :p

Traci of course said...

I have many of the same ?'s as steenky bee. But, also, what would Freud say about that???
Um, Ewww

Shannon said...

Texas Rhea say what??!??!?!?!

Jennifer said...

LOL

i'm seriously sitting here laughing so hard that tears are rolling down my face.

uh. GOD.

I'm laughing b/c of the first few comments I read, then I decided to post my own comment before reading more... b/c I wanted it to be my own thoughts not tainted by anything I read. :S (i'm sort of a follower, sometimes)

SO my first thought was... EWWW that is so freakin' funny!! Yes. I'm a dork and I have a bad sense of humor, but I think that is so disgustingly funny! LOL

I cannot imagine someone doing that and I can't imagine someone telling someone else that they do that... but IF someone ever told me that they did that I would probably pee myself from laughing so hard.

I cannot wait to tell this to my friends when I see them. I bet I will be laughing so hard when I share this.

For some reason this totally amuses me... maybe that makes me as "special" as the person that does this... b/c lemme tell ya... that sure is some kinda special person. LOL

Uh. thanks so much for the great chuckle before I head off to bed. I just hope now that I don't dream about this!!

(could you imagine??)

xoxoxoxo have a great night!!

CrystalChick said...

Interesting....
but of course still friend!! I came in the other night and my family were all laughing hysterically watching Jackass. I thought, OMG I can't get into that type of show, it's disgusting. I sat down for a couple minutes and found myself a little too giddy over some of their antics. If my son asks me for a shopping cart, a ramp, or an ass bong for Christmas I'll know letting him stay up and watch it was a totally bad decision. LOL

DysFUNctional Mom said...

I'm dying to know who this is........and I have a friend who is so fascinated with poop that she probably would do this. Maybe she does? Who knows....

Alison said...

I know the "Baker"...but, I will deny it until the day I die!!!

This was HYSTERICAL and totally disgusting!

Ronnica said...

That's definitely in the don't-need-to-know category!