Monday, September 15, 2008

Black Hockey Jesus

When I first heard the name of his blog, The Wind in My Vagina, I thought he was probably a perv. He may be, I don't know, but he's a fascinating writer who confuses, perplexes and surprises me. He blurs reality. So, I read him daily and have fun with the messages he puts out there in the universe. So, without further ado, let me introduce you to my special guest, Black Hockey Jesus.




Rhea: Is your inner child still a fat bald retarded kid?


BHJ: I claimed the fat bald retarded kid for my inner child because I’ve always felt like I had to repress the marginal characters inside of me. I’m filled with many freaks and the post you’re referring to was an attempt to give a secret part of myself a chance to play in the sun and show off some kick ass karate moves. So yes. But there are many other children trapped in my asylum as well.



Rhea: You seem to be made up of several different people. Would you care to share and describe some of these personalities?


BHJ: There’s definitely a joker in here. Perhaps he is the ringleader. But there’s also a very serious man. You might say a lot of my posts are attempts to build a bridge between the comic and the deadly earnest. Some are more successful than others, but that’s alright with me. I treat blog posts like little experiments. Some experiments fail. There’s also a midget with a freakishly large penis and a little boy who wishes he was a monkey. There’s many more. Sometimes I wonder if it’s infinite. Perhaps the Self is an infinite party that never ends.



Rhea: I like to use the word "edgy" to describe your blog. Your writing blends fiction and nonfiction, reality and fantasy. If we met you in real life, would we see this in you? Or are you only this way "on paper"?


BHJ: This question confuses me. Are you asking me if I’m edgy in real life? Yes. Especially if I’ve had more than 2-3 cups of coffee. I get very edgy. I don’t know what would happen if we met in real life. The point I’m trying to express in my blog, though, is that real life is a fantasy. We ourselves are fantasies. We’re all functions of Imagination. So if we met in Imagination I’m sure it would be dreamy. Or you’d think I was a dick. It would depend on the weather of my mood. And yours. What if you were in some kind of premenstrual situation? It’s just a super hard question.



Rhea: You are one of those monsters that comes out of the closet to play with the children, have tea parties and play checkers, but there's that slight chance you may bite or get delusional. Do you agree with this description?


BHJ: I like the way you used contradictions to describe me. A monster who plays. Fun and dangerous. And it all happens on the threshold between sanity and insanity. That’s perfect. My friends laugh the loudest. But sometimes they kill themselves too. So yeah. I agree with your description. I play with fire underwater.



Rhea: Why are we really here? What is our purpose in life?


BHJ: We’re here to play. It’s the essential nature of the entire phenomenal world to play.





Rhea: Do you think we're only seeing shadows in Plato's cave and the real world behind us will blow our mind when we finally figure it out?


BHJ: These lives are not merely shadows of some Truthier Truth. This is the Truth. And it’s Truth enough. It’s a Truth worth saving. This life, THIS one (SMACK!), is mind blowing.


Rhea: What are your Pavlov's Dog responses in your daily life?


BHJ: This question confuses me as well. Pavlov conditioned dogs to salivate at bells because he rang a bell every time they ate some food. This proved that our “natural” responses could be influenced, indeed created, by culture. There is no natural. It’s all human, all too human. Anyway, sometimes disasters give me a boner. Is that what you mean? Hurricanes and fires evoke a sexual response in me. It’s weird, but no weirder than a bell making dogs salivate.



Rhea: Please tell me you're a LOST fan. If so, what's your take on the show, and if you had to choose a character on the island to be, which one would you choose?


I’ve never seen an episode of Lost. But isn’t that little hobbit on Lost? I would definitely wanna be stranded with the hobbit. The only shows I watch are Grey’s Anatomy & The Biggest Loser. It inspires me when those pigs lose 400 pounds. And Dr. Yang gets me going. I suppose that’s another answer to the previous question. Asian doctors make me want to have sex with them.



Rhea: Your son, Jackson Hockey Jesus, plays the drums really well. My sons now have a full drum kit. Any suggestions or tips on how to encourage and/or help them get better?


BHJ: Jackson takes lessons from a kick ass drummer who we pay $50/week. I guilt Jackson into practicing because it’s $50/week. I tell him that I can’t afford to eat lunch because of his damn lessons. I also tell him that rock dudes get a lot of tail.



Rhea: Have you read my blog? What three words would you use to describe it?

BHJ: I have read your blog. How about “Pink Southern-Fried Fabulous”? Is that 4 words? Even with the hyphen?


Rhea: What's one book you think everyone should read at some point in their life?

BHJ: I think everyone could stand to learn something from Rilke’s Letters To A Young Poet. That book will serve you well if you want to write. Lots of good secrets in there.



Rhea: Finally, the one question I can never leave out of an interview; If Aliens landed in your backyard, wanted to take you for a week to their home planet, who and what would you take with you?

BHJ: I would take a bunch of magic beans to trade for alien stuff. Aliens are so gullible.


* Original photo courtesy of Black Hockey Jesus. Messed-up versions due to Rhea's fascination with Picnik.

50 comments:

Justine said...

i tell you what Rhea. I've read BHJ's blog and clicked away feeling very confused. This interview has me feeling the same way! This man is not normal by any stretch of the imagination! ROFLMAO! Yep, he completely freaks me out.

Justine :o )

Lula! said...

I don't have wind in my vagina. Not usually. I'm just sayin'.

You are an incredible interviewer, Rhea. Please wrangle a sit down with the presidential candidates...'cause I'd love to hear what you'd pry out of them.

p.s. BHJ doesn't watch Lost? That's a deal-breaker for me, you know. Maybe we can get him to read Twilight, though.

Living on the Spit said...

You did an excellent job with this post and I will have to check his blog out as well. Love the messed up photos.

Britt said...

Dude, I was reading your post last night and as I was scrolling, I noticed his blog and I had to click. I'm too curious not to click on something named Wind In My Vagina .. it made me wonder if wind in the vagina was healthy. Then this morning I see his blog name on my follow list, and though "Did I add him?" :o)

Totally agree with Lula .. I'd love to see you interview anyone, actually. Too fun!

gingela5 said...

I'll have to take a peak at his blog! I'll probably have to wait til I get home from work so I don't get a call from HR, but I'll definitely check it out!

Cristin said...

Oh, I've read BHJ... his 100th post was killer.

I always thought that he was very smart and funny... now I think he's hot.

Thanks Rhea and BHJ!!

Ali said...

i don't know...the jury is still out...i mean, the dude has never seen LOST. blasphemy!

Mama Dawg said...

I love BHJ! How on earth did you get him to do an interview?

Wonderful job on the interview.

TentCamper said...

Thanks for helping me to understand BHJ a bit better.

...and THANKS for interviewing me!!!

goodfather said...

Nice, nice interview! Wow, you scored a (virtual) sit-down with BHJ, LOL! It's really hard to describe my feelings for his blog without being offensive. 'I love the wind in your vagina'? Nope. 'The wind in your vagina makes me question my sanity'? Uh uh. Oh well. I like the blog a LOT. How's that? ;)

goodfather said...

Oops! Should be 'The wind in MY vagina', sorry. Less offensive.

scargosun said...

I love me some BHJ...and Ghost of Dead Skip and Calamari and Ghost of Dead Bob Marley... the list goes on.

scargosun said...

I love me some BHJ...and Ghost of Dead Skip and Calamari and Ghost of Dead Bob Marley... the list goes on.

scargosun said...

I love me some BHJ...and Ghost of Dead Skip and Calamari and Ghost of Dead Bob Marley... the list goes on.

Living on the Spit said...

Okay...I read BHJ and I must say... I like him and I think he is kinda hot too...I like it when people get me to think and to question. Thanks Rhea...as always you totally rock!

Motherhood for Dummies said...

I agree with Ali... hes never seen LOST!?! Soooo good! :)

Kat said...

Your interviewing abilities are so amazing! Maybe in your job search you need to figure out a way to use those fantabulous skills.

And BHJ really should watch LOST. Especially with all his talk about what IS reality. Really needs to watch it. Really.

Are you going to write about what you promised in exchange for the interview? :-)

Susie said...

What a great interview! He is definitely an individual. The one question I wanted you to ask...

"What is the color of the sky in your world":-)

Veggie Mom said...

Wow. If he is a Creeper, then he's an interesting Creeper, right-o? Like the interview!

leonidiog said...

Καλησπέρα από Λεωνίδιο. Ωραίο το blog.

Rhea said...

I think we need a translator here...

Justine said...

Hey Rhea! In a deed restricted community, they (the powers that be) make sure that everyone has their grass cut and looking alive, no cars parked on the street at certain times, you can't paint your house a funky color, have garbage pails showing, stuff like that. It can be a pain but for the most part it's a good thing!

Justine :o )

überburber said...

great idea, Rhea. I am still completely morbidly fascinated by BHJ, but feel as if I know him a hair better through your interview. thanks!

überburber said...

p.s you are brave - I would be so intimidated!

only a movie said...

Great interview!! :-)

Jennifer said...

I love Rilke--but the Beastie Boys...not so much.

Fun interview!!

scott said...

Hey, Rhea. Came over from Jesus's blog. Great interview. Great site. I'm a Fort Worth man, myself, but I work in Dallas.

Also this: We're not that gullible.

Hello, Rhea (and Black Hockey Jesus.)

greezus chrust said...

gotta agree with living on the spit- BHJ is so hot!!! i'm talking stick your hand in the deep fryer at mcdonald's HOTT!!! ssssssssssss......

nice interview!

Redneck Mommy said...

Hmmm...BHJ looks nothing like how I painted him in my imagination.

Probably for the best. One eyed guys with dreadlocks and facial scars can be a wee scary when you run into them in the dark.

Great interview. You did way better than I would have.

Twenty Four At Heart said...

Oh I love BHJ. I'm a huge fan. Nice interview, although for the people who don't usually read him it was probably as confusing as hell.

Immoral Matriarch said...

He's teetering on the brink of insanity, which only further displays his genius.

Great interview.

Maggie, Dammit said...

"Aliens are so gullible."

That's my favorite.

Love the fucked up pictures, too.

BHJ rules my imaginary heart.

Captain Dumbass said...

An interview with BHJ, nice work Rhea. And fine he doesn't watch Lost, what I really want to know is when Kate is going to go back to swimming in her underwear every episode like back in season's one and two?

Jett said...

I wish he'd have worn a multicolored clown wig in the photo.

That would have been awesome.

jothemama said...

Good questions, rhea, and I love your photos :)

the mama bird diaries said...

Never in my life have i once thought about wind in my vagina.

funny interview

Kat said...

A whole interview and no reference to Calamari...I am disappointed ;)

anna said...

Yeah, it's a little strange to have THE WIND IN YOUR VAGINA in all caps at the top of your browser! But I like his posts.

San said...

He knows Pink Southern-Fried Fabulous when he sees it. Amen, Bro.

VERY cool interview, Rhea.

Swirl Girl said...

love the interview.

BHJ is as puzzling as his picture.

the 8th wonder of the world.

The Yummy Mummy Cooks Gourmet said...

He's completely f*cked, but I kinda like that.

You, girl, did a great interview. Probing, unexpected, interesting. Funny, off-beat questions.

And by the way, I know this means you'll hate me but I have to admit, I could never get into Lost. I just didn't get the whole monster rustling in the bushes thing. After that, I stopped watching.

If it's any consolation, I think you rock...

Kim

Live.Love.Eat said...

Barbara Walter's has nothing on you girl! I have read him before, definitely an interesting character!!!!!!!!!!

Momo said...

I looove this man. His mind is his sexiest trait...but look at those hands would ya??!

Thanks for the great interview.

WM said...

Just came over from BHJ's place.
As others have said you did very well ! Much better then anything I could do. I think I'd feel like a complete babbling idiot if I were to try and interview him.

Nice eyes, BHJ.

CrystalChick said...

Cool interview! I think you should do them as a theme on your blog. That could be fun.
Doesn't watch LOST???!!!!
I just don't get that AT ALL.

Neat pics.

Deb on the Rocks said...

Rhea, did he really say:

"it inspires me when those pigs lose 400 pounds"

or did that get all shook up in a Picnik effect too, and the "pig" word scooted over from some Obama/McCain lipstick post and he really said something more witty/philosophical about the experience of marginalized freaks and transformation/less vile?

Separate but related:
Picnik is everything! Your effects were perfect!

Misfit Hausfrau said...

Cool interview--what a bummer he doesn't watch LOST.

papa2hapa said...

good interview! I'm glad he doesn't watch LOST.

Kat said...

I love all the LOST comments. And loot at your hits! Yes, I am comment padding. did you notice that Tentcamper dropped off the radar? Is that his threat? That he will just take his ball and go home? :-)

Angie's Spot said...

VERY interesting interview. I've never visited his site, but I've heard of him many times. He reminds me of my friend, Justin, who is VERY edgy and writes without regret. I might have to check out BHJ after all.